How to Quit Worrying About What People Think About You

Do you ever wonder what people think about you? I think we all do. In fact, I had been under the impression that I did not worry much about what people think about me. I have recently come to the realization that I am more concerned about that than I thought (or care to admit, because then what would you think of me?).

However, I have not been successful at getting everyone to think well of me. And that bugs me! So, what am I going to do about it? I have reflected on this and considered how to think about this in a godly way. I have come to several conclusions.

  • We will inevitably be misunderstood and misjudged (1 Cor 4:3).

I have been a student of communication for quite some time. And as I gain experience, I have come to the conclusion that it is amazing that any of us successfully communicate at all. I often leave a conversation thinking that it was successful only to find out later that we did not really understand one another at all!

So, I must expect miscommunication. Along with that, I will be misjudged. I should not be surprised about this. I should not get worked up or worry about it.

  • We all have weaknesses and make mistakes, so we can be prepared to admit we are wrong and accept correction (Prov 19:20; James 5:16).

We would like for people to think we have it all together. Most of us are not anxious for people to see our weaknesses and faults. It is quite a relief to let go of this unrealistic existence. How tiring! We can just go ahead and get comfortable with our limitations and failures.

Accepting the reality of my imperfection puts me in a position to admit it when I am wrong and receive correction from others. My goal is not to look good, but to live right in the power of Christ.

  • When we follow Christ, we can expect the world not to like us (John 15:18-20).

If you want everyone to like you and you have decided to follow Christ, then you are in a predicament. When we follow Christ, must choose to fear God and not man.

  • Ultimately, the only thing that really matters is what God thinks about us (1 Cor 4:3-4).

What if we were as concerned about what God thinks about us as we are about what others think about us?

What does God think about us? What a joy to be accepted in perfect love by our Father because of our faith in Christ! And as an accepted son, my goal is to please the Father.

The only way to have peace and respond in a godly manner to difficult relational situations is to walk in intimacy with Christ, confident in his love, obedient to his leading, and empowered by him to speak the truth in love.

We can let go of being concerned about what others think about us and fix our eyes on our Lord who loves us! Not that we care, but the happy result of living a life of love, truth, and humility is being well thought of by others!

Teaching an "I Love Problems" Mindset

"Mindsets toward learning
could matter more
than anything else we teach."

I recently read an article by Salman Khan, "The Learning Myth: Why I'll Never Tell My Son He's Smart." As we kick off our Fall semester of school, I found the simple ideas he present to be encouraging and challenging.

“Researchers have known for some time that the brain is like a muscle; that the more you use it, the more it grows. They’ve found that neural connections form and deepen most when we make mistakes doing difficult tasks rather than repeatedly having success with easy ones. . . .

What this means is that our intelligence is not fixed, and the best way that we can grow our intelligence is to embrace tasks where we might struggle and fail. . . .

The good news is that mindsets can be taught; they’re malleable.”
— Salman Khan
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
— James 1:2-4 ESV

While this article is worth sharing for its simple application to teaching our children, I also see a deeper spiritual parallel.

The idea of growth through trial is not new, of course (James 1:2-4).

Just as Khan has encouraged us, are teaching our children a mindset that embraces difficulties as an opportunity to grow in faith and maturity?

Now, let's bring it all the way home:

Are we exemplifying faith to our children
as respond to our problems in front of them?

Change Your Marriage in One Weekend?

If you could change your marriage in ONE weekend, would you do it? God can do it if you will seek him and apply these biblical principles for your life. In addition to great food and time alone together, we will be discussing how to have a PEACE and PURPOSE in your marriage.

The following topics will be explored:

  • What is God’s purpose for marriage?
  • Why are there so many broken marriages?
  • What are the roles of husbands and wives?
  • What do I do if my spouse is doing something wrong?
  • How do we have a peaceful, productive conversation?
  • How do we build a fulfilling marriage?

Here is a description of the accommodations at Cherokee Cove in Mountain City, TN:

"The lodging will be in the newly built Evergreen Village. These cozy log cabins are privately situated amidst wooded and long range views.  Each uniquely decorated cabin has it’s own front porch and is equipped with a queen sized bed with fine linens; a full bath with lush towels; coffee maker and coffee, cream, sugar and tea bags; and a welcome basket.  Meals include “welcome snacks” and dinner on Friday, Saturday breakfast, lunch and dinner, and Sunday brunch.  Hot and cold beverages are available from 7 am until 10 pm daily.

Total cost is $250 per couple. The menu will include fresh, locally grown produce, organic, home baked breads, wild caught fish, and beef and/or pork and chicken.  All meals are prepared fresh daily and that are “catered” to the needs of the guests, so feel free to inform us of any food allergies and special requests.

How to Create a Weekly Prayer List on Your iPhone

I used to have a "Quiet Time Notebook" for years. A real notebook with real paper in it. In my notebook,  I would journal, take sermon notes, make prayer lists, and keep up with Scripture memory. While there is nothing wrong with doing it that way, I have found digital ways of keeping up with these disciplines that ensure the safety of the data and are more convenient and efficient for me.

I recently bought an iPhone and created a daily and weekly prayer list system using the Reminders app. Here's how you do it.

Select the Reminders app that comes on the iPhone. Select "New List" at the top. Name the list whatever you want and make as many prayer lists as you want. The part that I like the best is the ability to create weekly reminders. For example, if there are certain items or people I would like to pray for every Monday, I can create a recurring reminder. After you have populated your list, select an item on the list and a blue "i" in a circle will appear on the right. Select the "i" and you will be able to set the date, time, and recurrence of the reminder for that item.

Here is the result: I can drag from the top of the iPhone screen at any time (even without unlocking my phone) and I get a summary of my day: weather, calendar items, and reminders (awesome feature). So each day, whatever prayer reminders I have set for the day appear in this view. As I pray through them, I can select each item and they will disappear until the set day next week! This makes it very convenient to pray through my list as I go through the day.

Paul wrote to the Ephesians, "I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers" (Eph 1:16). He also exhorted them to pray "at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints" (Eph 6:18).

Like Paul, we don't really NEED an iPhone to pray for the saints without ceasing. But for now I am finding it a very helpful tool!

Whatever tool you use, the important questions are these:

  • Are you enjoying a daily love relationship with Christ?
  • Are you spending significant time with him in prayer?
  • Are you praying for the saints?

How to Solve Problems in Your Relationships [Podcast #17]

This podcast episode is the third and final part of the session I taught at the North Carolinians for Home Education Conference, "How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home." You can view the prezi for this session here.

It is a brief explanation of the 9 Steps for Conflict Resolution I have already blogged about in several posts that starts here, or I have consolidated into one article.

Teach your children biblical conflict resolution. 

  • Give space (James 1:19).
  • Check yourself  (Matt 7:3-5).
  • Let go of anger (Eph 4:26-27; Matt 18:21-35).
  • Love (Mark 12:30; Gal 5:14).
  • Pray (Matt 5:44; James 1:5-8).
  • Talk about it (Prov 18:13;15:1).
  • Discern the issue (Rom 14:1-12).
  • Speak the truth (Matt 18:15; Eph 4:15; Gal 6:1).
  • Give space

One Habit to Change Your Life

What one activity would change your life if you turned it into a habit?

I was recently challenged to reflect on this as I read the book The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan.

“Not everything matters equally; some things matter more than others—a lot more. . . . Go extreme. Once you’ve figured out what actually matters, keep asking what matters most until there is only one thing left. That core activity goes at the top of your success list.”
— Gary Keller, The One Thing

From a biblical perspective, our ONE Thing is very clear!

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.
Psalm 27:4

My ONE Thing is to have a real, intimate relationship with Christ, to love God with all (Mark 12:30).

So, the answer to my first question is this: PRAY.

[I think that Scripture reading and meditation is just as important. but I already have made that a habit. It is my prayer life that is weak.]

I want to learn to pray. What am I doing to accomplish this? I have committed to significant amount of time in prayer everyday. I am also training my mind to return to the Lord often throughout the day in prayer.

I am reading these two books to help me grow in these areas. I highly recommend them both.

How to Develop a Powerful Prayer Life:
The Biblical Path to Holiness and Relationship with God
by Dr. Gregory R Frizzell

The One Thing by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan.

The Practice of the Presence of God
by Brother Lawrence

How to Help Your Children Stop Fighting [Podcast #16]

This podcast episode is the second part of the session I taught at the North Carolinians for Home Education Conference, "How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home." You can view the prezi for this session here.

 

2.        Set basic rules of engagement.

  • No yelling
  • No violence.
  • No manipulation

3.        Teach your children to speak truth to one another (Eph 4:15; Matt 18:15-17).

Teach them the Matt 18 process:

  • Speak to the other person privately.
  • Ask another person to help verify problem (I don’t require this step).
  • Go to those in authority to handle the situation.