What Is Happening in Your Daughter’s Life?

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What is happening in your daughter’s life? I think this is a particularly good question for fathers. Stop and think about that question for a moment. How would you answer? Do you feel like you know? Now think of all the texts, video chats, social media, and hours spent with friends. Are you sure you know?

This is a good question for both fathers and mothers, for both sons and daughters. But I’d like to focus on fathers and daughters. The father-daughter relationship is the context of a great Bible story that provides a wonderful lesson for dads.

In the book of Esther, we learn that as a child Esther lost both her mother and father. Mordecai (who was her cousin) adopted her as his own daughter and raised her. The nature of this father-daughter relationship manifests itself as Esther becomes a young adult and is taken by the King to be considered as a wife.

And every day
Mordecai walked in front of the court of the harem
to learn how Esther was
and what was happening to her.
Esther 2:11

I doubt Mordecai’s interest and involvement in Esther life was a new development. This was his fatherly way. Every day. What a wonderful example for us as dads. Express daily interest and involvement in your daughter’s life. Find out what she is thinking and feeling. Ask about what she loves and about her conversations. Inquire about her relationship with God.

Another aspect of the relationship of Mordecai and Esther is that

Esther obeyed Mordecai
just as when she was brought up by him.
Esther 2:20

Again, Mordecai’s influence in Esther’s life, and her response to him, was not a new development. This was the nature of their relationship. The story does not make a direct connection between the ongoing influential role of a father in a daughter’s life and his ongoing interest and involvement in her life. But it sure does make sense.

It is certainly possible for a daughter in faith to follow the leadership of her father, no matter what her relationship to him is. But it is a natural outflow of the relational investment that has been made when the father has chosen to be interested and involved in her life. He has her heart. He has earned her trust.

I am not sharing this lesson with you because I have done such a great job with my own family. In fact, I can see ways that I have failed to be interested and involved in my daughters’ lives. But I certainly plan to follow the example of Mordecai’s fatherly ways. I want to connect daily with my daughters, discovering how they are and what is happening in their lives. And I pray that they will receive godly, fatherly guidance as they grow into young ladies.

Free and Equip Your Children to Pursue Their Unique Interests

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A great way to help your children become self motivated is to help them to discover their gifts, talents, and interests. Then, as parents, we have the opportunity to free and equip them to pursue those unique interests. 

To learn more about this, watch this last video in the series, How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated. You will also get a sneak peak at my upcoming book, Loving God: A Practical Handbook for Discipleship

How to Help Your Children Develop Their Own Convictions

Many Christian parents today want to make sure that their children develop their own faith. We know that children who grow up in a Christian home often do not follow Christ when they leave the home. They conformed to the family's faith while at home, but did not own it for themselves.

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So what can we do as parents to help our children develop their own convictions? How can we help them to learn to seek the Lord directly and understand his will for their lives? Watch this short video to learn how to avoid common mistakes and develop important biblical assumption in your children's thinking. This is Part 9 of the video series How to Help Your Children Become Self Motivated.

How to Stop Arguing with Your Children

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Sometimes I am in the middle of an argument with one of my children before I even realize what is happening! How did this happen?

How can I make sure I am having a fruitful conservation with my kids instead of an argument. I can do this by operating according to this biblical principle: Correction can take the form of discipleship instead of discipline when there is respect and teachability.

In this video I explain how to apply this principle to conversations with your children and stop the arguing! This is part 8 of the series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated. 

When Should You Give Your Children More Freedom?

 Photo by  Bruno Nascimento  on  Unsplash

As our children grow up, one thing you can be sure to expect is that they will desire more freedom. An immediate difficulty we face is the common misunderstand of what freedom is and how one obtains it. Our culture teaches us (and maybe it is a natural assumption) that freedom is our ability to do whatever we want and that freedom is our inherent right. These things are not true. 

As you struggle with your pre-teens and teens in their fight for freedom, do you know how to teach them the true meaning of freedom and the legitimate way of obtaining it? Watch this brief video to learn more about the biblical economy of freedom and responsibility. This is Part 7 in the video series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated.

When "Because I Said So" Isn't Good Enough

The most popular question that my children to ask is "Why?" I have to admit that I have allowed this question to irritate me at times. Often the best answer is "Because I said so." However, it doesn't work all the time. If we are working to raise our children to be mature, Christ loving believers, then we are going to have to come up with a better answer. We are going to have to tell they why.

 Photo by  Gaelle Marcel  on  Unsplash

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Part of being mature is being self-motivated. The key to being self-motivated, as opposed to only being driven by outside forces, is to know the "why" of what we are doing. We must understand the heart and purpose of our actions. 

One of the most important roles we play as parents is to help our children develop a biblical worldview in which the "why" questions are answered from God's perspective. Check out Part 6 of my video series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated to dig a little deeper into how we can give our children the "whys" of the Christian life.

What Role Does the Scripture Play in Your Home?

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Do you know how many Christian parents I know who believe in the importance and power of God's Word in our lives, and yet do not include Bible reading and teaching in the daily life of the home? Too many. I have also spent periods of my own parenting career neglecting this.

In this short video, I remind us of the importance of Scripture in discipling our children and give some simple tips for taking action. This is Part 5 in the video series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated.

Why do you think that parents fail to read and teach the Scripture in their homes? What are the issues you have struggled with? How do you use God's Word in your home?  Please leave a comment and tell us about it!