Steps 1-4 for How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated [Podcast #11]

Here is the second podcast in the series about How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated. This is part of the recording of a workshop I presented at the annual North Carolinians for Home Education Conference 2014. The first part is Foundations for Helping Your Children Become Self-Motivated [Podcast #10].

Our two oldest girls, Bethany (15) and Hannah (9).

Foundations

  • The ultimate goal for parents is to raise mature, Christ loving believers.
  • Parenting should move from discipline to discipleship, from external motivation to internal motivation.

This episode covers the first four steps:

  1. Pray for your children to surrender their hearts to Christ (Eph 3:14-21).
  2. Teach your children truth from God’s Word (Psalm 19:7-11).
  3. Teach your children God’s purpose for life and how everything we do fits into it (Deut 6:4-9).
  4. Encourage and affirm your children (1 Thess 2:11-12).

You can return to the notes post for the entire workshop to view and download the notes or view the prezi.

I would love to hear your comments and questions, so please leave a comment here or send your question to matthew@truthtofreedom.org!

What have you learned about helping your children become self-motivated?
Please leave a comment and let us know.

How Should a Church "Get a New Pastor"?

Many local churches across our nation are "looking for a new pastor." From my experience, it seems that the majority of pastors simply do not stay very long at a local church.

For those of you in a church that is looking to hire someone outside your church as your pastor (which is the norm), then I need to let you know where I am coming from:

I believe that the normal view of church leadership in terms of one, professional, salaried man brought in from outside the local church is not the most biblical understanding and has harmful affects on the health of the church.

For much more on a biblical study on pastoral leadership, you can download the free eBook: The Authority of Church Elders in the NT. (I consider "elders" and "pastors" to be synonymous.)

For example, Paul explains the qualifications of elders in 2 Tim 3: 1-7. Do you think a search committee or a church who has read a resume, conducted an interview, heard several sermons, and completed a background check could truly affirm that a man meets these qualification?

I don't think so. Please go back and read them carefully if you think so.

So, lets say some of you out there are trying to do it differently. You would like to appoint a team of qualified elders from within your church. What would that look like?

I would like to share with you what our church did. This is not a formula or set of rules, just some ideas. First, you might want to check out what our church wrote as a biblical explanation of this understanding of elder appointment.

Process for a Ministry Appointment
of Elders and Deacons

  • A man may nominate himself or be nominated by someone in the church to be considered an elder or deacon candidate.
  • The elders will consider the candidate and meet with him as necessary.
  • The elders decide whether or not to recommend this person for appointment.
  • The candidate publicly gives his testimony of salvation and ministry calling to the church body.
  • The church has the opportunity to initiate private discussion with the candidate, asking questions and expressing support or concerns.
  • After a sufficient period of private discussion, the church will have a public discussion to consider the request for ministry appointment.
  • The following questions can be used as a guide for affirming a ministry appointment for elders and deacons (except #3 doesn’t apply to deacons):
    • To the best of your understanding, can you affirm the following questions about the person that HCF is considering for a ministry appointment?
      • Do you believe that God is calling this person to be an elder or deacon of Highland Christian Fellowship?
      • Do you believe that this person has the training and character needed to engage in this ministry at this time?
      • Will you respect and follow this man’s leadership as he leads and teaches in a godly manner?
  • As with other decisions (see Article 6 of the HCF Constitution), the church will decide together whether or not to appoint the candidate.

You can view or download the entire document, "Ministry Appointment and Ministry Commission."

How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home

Here is the outline for my second workshop at the NCHE Conference. You can download it as a PDF and you can view the prezi I used for the presentation. You can also download the full article on the last section about Biblical Conflict Resolution.

How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home
Session 11 Saturday 1:50-2:50 p.m

Why do we want to stop the fighting in our home?

  • Because it is pleasant to have a peaceful home (Prov 17:1).
  • Because we want to love and obey God (Eph 4:1-4).
  • Because we want to prepare our children for a life of maturity (Eph 6:4).

Three ways to stop the fighting in your home:

1.        Set a peaceful example.

  • Stop fighting your spouse (Prov 26:21; Prov 21:19).
  • Stop fighting your children (Eph 6:4; Prov 15:1).
  • If you are fighting, then you are choosing to be selfish and prideful (James 4:1-2; 1 Cor 13:4-7).
  • Let the Spirit of Christ live in you! (Gal 2:20; 5:22-23).

2.        Set basic rules of engagement.

  • No yelling
  • No violence.
  • No manipulation

3.        Teach your children to speak truth to one another (Eph 4:15; Matt 18:15-17).

Teach them the Matt 18 process:

  • Speak to the other person privately.
  • Ask another person to help verify problem (I don’t require this step).
  • Go to those in authority to handle the situation.

4.        Teach your children biblical conflict resolution. 

  • Give space (James 1:19).
  • Check yourself  (Matt 7:3-5).
  • Let go of anger (Eph 4:26-27; Matt 18:21-35).
  • Love (Mark 12:30; Gal 5:14).
  • Pray (Matt 5:44; James 1:5-8).
  • Talk about it (Prov 18:13;15:1).
  • Discern the issue (Rom 14:1-12).
  • Speak the truth (Matt 18:15; Eph 4:15; Gal 6:1).
  • Give space

How to Help Your Children Become Self Motivated

Here is the outline for my first workshop at the NCHE Conference. You can download it as a PDF and you can view the prezi I used for the presentation.

Session 4 Friday 11:00 a.m.-12:00
(Room B-D)

Foundations

  • The ultimate goal for parents is to raise mature, Christ loving believers.
  • Parenting should move from discipline to discipleship, from external motivation to internal motivation.

How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated

  1. Pray for your children to surrender their hearts to Christ (Eph 3:14-21).
  2. Teach your children truth from God’s Word (Psalm 19:7-11).
  3. Teach your children God’s purpose for life and how everything we do fits into it (Deut 6:4-9).
  4. Encourage and affirm your children (1 Thess 2:11-12).
  5. Offer new responsibility and freedom in response to obedience and respect (Matt 25:14-30).
  6.  Correction can take the form of discipleship, instead of discipline, when there is respect and teachability (Psalm 25:8-15; 32:8-9).
  7. Give freedom to make their own choices so they can develop conviction (Heb 5:14).
  8. Help your children discover their gifts, talents, and interests and free and equip your children to purse them (Eph 4:7, 11-12).

One of My Favorite Conferences

We leave Thursday for the annual North Carolinian's for Home Education Conference. This is one of my favorite conferences. A few years ago I wrote out about the top ten highlights of the conference.

Another highlight for me that has developed over the last few years is the opportunity to teach a couple of the workshops. Here are the workshops I'm presenting this year:

Session 4 Friday 11:00 a.m.-12:00 noon

How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated—Are you tired of working so hard to get your child to do their work or make the right choices? When will they be self-motivated? How can you help them develop this? Discipline is when parents provide external motivation for right choices (which is a necessary part of the process). Discipleship is when parents help children develop their own motivation for making the right choices because of their love for Christ. In this session, we will discuss how to make the difficult transition from discipline to discipleship. You will receive practical tips on helping your child develop godly self-motivation.

Session 11 Saturday 1:50-2:50 p.m.

How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home—Are you fed up with the ugly talk and fighting in your home? Amazingly, it is easier to be polite and patient with those outside the family than with those we love the most! A major part of preparing our children for life is teaching them how to interact with others. In this session, we will apply biblical conflict resolution principles to the relationships in your home. You will receive practical tools for how to teach your children to handle conflict (and how to practice it yourself!).

If you are a home educator (or want to be) in North Carolina (or near enough to come) and you have not yet planned to come, you might want to consider it. I don't think you will regret it.

Offensive Bible Verses About Women [Podcast #9]

There are some very offensive verses in the Bible . . . to our culture. Some of the most offensive are about women. How about this one?

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
(Titus 2:3-5 ESV)

Podcast episode 9 is a continuation of episode 8, "Defeat Satan - Be a Mother." These are recordings from a teaching on Mother's Day 2013.